The Importance of Sangha or a Buddhist Community

It has now been two years since the world and the Buddhist Centre I attended closed its doors due to the global pandemic. And now as the centre has decided to do a phased reopening, I am able to reflect on what the last two years have been like.

I have always enjoyed doing my meditation alone, something about the quietness and the solitude. It's probably my ego running away with itself wanting to feel like a Yogi in solitary retreat. But when the pandemic happened I suddenly found myself without any Sangha or Buddhist community. The centre offered online live streamed morning meditations that I wasn't able to attend as I had to be at work at the time they started. I was however, able to attend a number of online teachings given by my dear Lama, that was of great support.

After many months I start to feel a drop in my division. I searched and wondered why this happened and tried many times to raise my devotion through listening to online teachings, podcasts and reading great stories from my lineage. Whilst these helped greatly I found my division only went up a little.

It then dawned on me that I was missing my Buddhist community or Sangha as it is also known. I never really understood the importance of the Sangha. I know that it is something we supplicate to (Buddha, Dharma and Sangha) however until now, I had no idea how very important it is. Receiving teachings from my Lama and the many teachers that pass through the centre is great and inspiring, however, having a community of people that are also on the path is equally as inspiring and important. In our society in the west, the Buddhist path was described to me by Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, as like swimming upstream. When our normal worldly environment is all about consuming and validating our experiences externally blaming others for their failings. The idea of controlling our minds and seeking to change the way we view the world is what is meant by the struggle of swimming against the tide of normal worldly thinking. Jetsunma Palmo would be able to explain this far more eloquently than I, but that's my summary of it.   

With the struggles of swimming upstream and having a wonderful group or community who know the trials and tribulations makes it easier and more joyful. The connection with fellow Buddhists and spiritual seekers leads to wonderful bonds being born through the breaks and sharing of tea and lunch. Hearing that others are struggling with practice as well as sharing wonderful and powerful insights can really allow you to feel less alone and even inspired. Meditating alone is great as your practice can develop and grow, but, the regular connection to your friends who are on the same path means that you feel held and protected, as you all sail through Samsara together trying to grow into wonderful Dharma flowers.

I also feel that we are beings of energy and being around others can help our own energy. So whilst doing teachings, group meditation online is great and convenient; it is in my opinion no replacement for shared meditation sessions and teachings. There is just a greater connection, an energetic one that takes place when around one and other. 

Stay connected both technologically and physically if this is possible for you right now, as the world starts to get back to some kind of normal.

May you swiftly achieve the state of Dorje Chang  

My Mental Health and Mediation Practise

Having just come out of a very dark place recently, I now feel in a place to be able to share with you what happened and how my practise was of support to me. 

Image from: https://www.inc.com/david-finkel/anxiety-is-common-among-entrepreneurs-here-are-4-tips-to-help-soothe-your-nerves.html

It's worth stating that being a meditation practitioner doesn't make you indestructible or immune to mental health issues. It does however, allow you to cultivate an inquisitive mind, meaning that you tackle any problems head on, no matter how difficult they may be. 

Towards the end of last year I noticed my health started to take a plunge, then one thing after another started to go wrong with my health and before I knew it, I was overwhelmed by all my thoughts and emotions. Then things at my job started to heat up and my Boss decided he wanted to retire and this was not only a shock, but just happened to come at the worst possible time for me.  

Alongside the medical issues I was having, I started to suffer with reduced sleep, waking up feeling down and very depressed. At its peak I would find myself extremely emotional and nearly in tears almost hourly. My mind was all over the place, in a state of anxiety, fear and confusion for the future. I felt I had sunk to the bottom of a very dark pit, where no light would get in and the hope for things to improve seemed unattainable. As a result of all these things, I found myself having to eat little and often and this helped to balance my emotional reaction to things. I then found I feared being emotional in my work environment and didn't want to look silly. So I made a tough choice and spoke to my boss and took a few days off to help me try to get things sorted. But whilst this helped, the fear of mounting work soon crept in and I decided to try a different approach. Speaking to my boss, we agreed that I would have the ability to work from home if things felt too hard at work. This really helped reduce my fear, as I was able to have some control over where I was, at any given time. Before I knew it I would be working in the office full time again, and would slowly get back to a state of normality. 

So how did my practise help and support me? Well as i've been practising meditation for a few years, I would find myself waking up at 3am and would be wide awake. My mood would be really low and I just wanted to sleep, but couldn't. So I started to apply my awareness to the physical feelings I was experiencing single pointedly and not the thoughts that had been playing on my mind. As I applied my awareness to the physical feelings I was having, I noticed that after a short period of time the feelings would start to subside. Sometimes I would try and the thoughts would fight back, trying to get my attention. This happened every morning for a few weeks. I would try placing my awareness in the same way one of my teachers advised last year during lockdown. I'm not going to tell you that this worked every time or that it was easy, because it wasn't. I just kept telling myself to be present with what was going on, be it good or bad. 

When doing my normal seated meditation practises, I would find myself in my head and other times I would be able to get into a state of calm abiding, but no matter what happened, I would site and be there for myself and try my best. After a few weeks of doing these things, alongside speaking to friends and family and getting some Reiki done, things started to improve. My low feelings in the morning whilst still there, didn't affect me as much. My work became easier to handle and my eating stabilised. It appeared that I had weathered the storm or at least, I had gotten to the far outer edges of it.                                                                

After a while I started to enjoy things again and have been able to stop and think about the beauty of everything around me, as the sun shines and the trees around me are in full blossom. Suddenly things don't feel so bad. My medical issues whilst still there, are being treated and I can't do much more than what i'm doing. So worrying all the time doesn't surve me or my mental health. I work with what I have and try to find joy where I can, but most of all i'm present with myself in a non-judgemental way. 

Things in life that we cannot control, can really throw us off, especially when they all seem to come at once! But by practising mindful awareness when I was at my lowest point, doing my meditations (without judgement of whether it was good or bad), talking to people and eating small and often all helped me immensely. I'm not cured of my anxiety, depression, these things are part of my life and I have to learn to live with them and that's ok. But to meet these challenges with awareness and kindness has really helped. Being anxious and depressed is ok, but the hardest parts are the feelings and emotions that can trap you. By grounding yourself in awareness from time to time, can really help soften the blow, giving you the strength to tackle the day. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, I share this with you in the hope that it may help you. If you have any comments or want to share how you have coped with some of the issues raised in the post, feel free to pop a comment in the box below, I would love to hear from you. 

If you have found this post helpful, why not share it.

  

Lockdown A Time For Gentleness

As we are all facing the unprecedented event of a lockdown, it's easy to find ourselves getting anxious, stressed and depressed. We have all been thrust into this situation, thats filled with uncertainty and this brings with it a lot of fear.

Right now most of us are sitting at home and being faced with a number of different scenarios.
Some people are alone, some people are cramped in together like sardines and others haven't had much change to their lives at all. But one thing is common amongst us all, that is our plans to get out socialise, learn and have fun have been well and truly, been put in the bin, or at least for the forceable future anyway.
As a result of this, we have seen people buying heaps and heaps of garden bits and lots of DIY stuff as they channel their energies into upgrading their homes and gardens. The shops have seen home baking sky rocket, meaning we may well see dealers selling strong bread flour and yeast on street corners, due to the high demand. I've never heard or see so many people making their own sourdough in my life.
Trying to buy gym equipment for your home workouts is now impossible, Yoga teachers have never felt in such demand, as people try to stay fit at home.

All of these things are really good and it's the way us Brits tend to cope with the uncertainty of things.
But with this change, we may find ourselves with increased pressure to keep up with all these great things on social media, leading to the feelings that you must be as productive and efficient, as we have all this free time. This pressure can lead to some very toxic levels of insecurity and low self-esteem even exhaustion, as we try to keep up with all the creative and ingenuitive ways people are finding to keep themselves occupied. This ultimately isn't good if it gets out of hand.
We in our daily interactions with people and our experiences are use to having forms of gratification and by being stuck indoors, we are now not getting these usual forms of gratification.

My motivation behind writing this post, isn't to try and stop all of this creativity, but to strike a balance between doing these wonderful creative things, but also understanding that, you know what, you don't have to do all these things to get gratification. You can just do a few bits here and there and then Netflix and chill, it's not a bad thing.
We desperately need to be gentle on ourselves at this time, we need to learn to be more understanding of our situation and be less critical of ourselves.
So you write a list of things to do each day and you get frustrated because you didn't do them all.
You snap at your partner for the smallest thing.
You found yourself eating a few biscuits and then annihilated the whole bloody packet.
Normally you reach out to people, but you just did feel like it this week.
You found yourself in an anxious state, because this whole thing seems like it will go on forever.
You're not exercising much because you just don't feel motivated.
And the list goes on and on and on.

What I desperately want to say to you all is, be you own best friend, when you find yourself being hard on yourself! Be kind to yourself. Find ways to love and accept yourself more.
Would your best friend talk to you the way your inner critic does, I'd be very surprised if they did.
We are going through the most stressful thing to happen in a generation, so you know what, so what if you spent all of this time just lazing around in your PJ's. So what if you slept in every day till 12pm.
It's our nature to want to do something and keep ourselves busy. Our inner critic can be helpful like that, but it can also drive us mad and what helps, is to just listen intently to that voice in your head and decide what you think is good for you.
If you are having fun doing lots of great things and filling your days creating and stuff thats great, but just be sure to check in and see if it truly is giving you joy or is the inner critic trying to impress everyone else around you and not yourself.

Some of us, are also finding ourselves around people, far more regularly than we would normally be. Leading us to find flaws in the ones we love. Grating at us, causing lots of friction and even fights. Again this is an unprecedented time and we need to apply the same logic above, to this situation.
We are all trying to cope here, it's not easy and we are going to get upset by the smallest thing right now. We are effectively like hamsters in a cage, with the occasional walk.
So now more than ever, we need to be gentle with the ones we love and understand them in a way we have never done before. This means stopping when the argument starts up and just saying I'm sorry and I love you, (even if you think you were right). It means stopping yourself from saying that hurtful thing, as you get carried away with yourself over that tiny thing, that in the grand scheme of things isn't a big deal.
I know we all have it in us, to find the strength to love and care for each each other more, especially during this pandemic. So let's start one day at a time, with love and gentleness.

In truth, what matters most, is being gentle to yourself and others because we all want to be happy and we all want to be loved. Let gentleness be the lesson we all learn during this pandemic!

Only your compassion and your 

loving kindness are invincible, 

and without limit.

Thich Nhat Hanh

My Journey and Fascination with Death

In February 2017, I did a blog post called "Why Cant We Talk About Death" and in it I discussed death and how we can use it to make our lives fuller. In that post, I stated I would go into my own story about how death became my friend, another time. I now feel, given the current state of lockdown, that the time to share my story is now, so here goes.

My life was changed the day my Dad (who was the healthiest person I knew) was diagnosed with mesothelioma cancer of the lung. The doctors gave him ten months to a year to live, I could see that he felt robbed of his life, having been so careful, not to smoking or drink, always having check ups with the doctor and eating well. 
I remember two things distinctly changing in my father following his diagnosis. 
The first thing was that he seemed like his joyful light went out, he tried to be funny and joyful, but I could see that he was just acting, no matter how much I played along with it. 
The second thing was that I could feel that he felt robbed and it came to a head on the couch, in his living room one afternoon. As he stared out the living room window he said "I'm never gonna drive again, am I?". I'm guessing that the truth of his mortality came crashing down around him and as he loved to drive and found freedom in being able to go anywhere at any time. Me and my Mother sat there and burst into tears and said no, no you won't. Seeing the person you love, fall apart in front of your very eyes is something I wouldn't wish on any human being and that moment will stay etched in my memory forever.

Baby me, with my Sister and Father

My Father a year or so before he was diagnosed with cancer.

Looking back at this moment, many years on, I see, how at that very moment he realised he was going to die, and this moment comes at different times for us all. 
He died within ten months, in a hospice in September of 2008 and it shock me to my core. It forced me to see that a long life wasn't guaranteed in any way.

In the same year my father was diagnosed with cancer, my partner went to university an hour and half drive away and I was having issues with anxiety but I found myself reading some books on Tibet and Buddhism. At this time I was getting Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help with my anxiety, I also started doing Buddhist mediation classes in town and found that my recovery from anxiety was greatly assisted by this. My therapist even asked me if I was doing anything outside of the therapy and when I told her I was doing mediation, she said "It must be working well, as it is helping your recovery". Within a year of my CBT coming to an end, the NHS was trialing mindfulness (another word for mediation) to help with anxiety and depression and is now used extensively throughout the NHS, how times change. 
I then started to do meditation at home, as well as at the classes and found myself getting really into it. I found that I had the free time to dive deep into myself given that my partner wasn't around much. I would in these times find some deep insights into death, but also calming and relaxing experiences that helped me greatly during the times ahead with my father and his death. During the time I was getting meditation advise from a Buddhist organisation (that I would rather not mention here), I decided to step away from them and continue my mediation alone for a while, until I came across an organisation, that I felt, would serve me better. What I learnt from them was really valuable, but ultimately their views did not align with mine and we parted ways. 
  
After my father passed away, I started to save up my money, so myself and my partner could go traveling around the world. Soon enough, my partner would finish university. I had developed a daily mediation habit and started reading many books on Buddhism and the book that really comforted me, after my father passed away was The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. This book looked at the Tibetan view of life and death which offered me real comfort at the time. Sogyal Rinpoche was a figure of controversy and at the time of reading the book I wasn't aware of this. While the book is a great insight, I in no way condone his actions.

In what seemed like no time at all my partner and I had saved up enough money to go traveling around the world and we had some great experiences, I won't bore you with the details here. Keeping up my daily mediation habit proved very difficult while moving around lots, so my practise at this time was almost non existent. In Nepal however my partner and I did a Yoga and Buddhist Philosophy weekend retreat and I found it to be excellent, as it gave me a chance to ask the questions I had developed over the years, that I wasn't able to get answers to. When the retreat finished I had a one to one with the Monk, who was leading the retreat and asked him "what should I do if I wanted to start officially on the Buddhist path?", he stated that at the end of my mediation when you dedicate the merit, you should offer it to all sentient beings and ask for your beginning to be revealed. This turned out to be the great advice. 

Photo with the Monk and other participants of the Buddhist Philosophy & Yoga Retreat 2012

Friends made on the retreat 2012

Poon Hill part of ABC Trek in Nepal 2012

Upon returning home, I got back into my usual mediation groove and did as the Monk said, and after six months, maybe longer, I found myself taking refuge with Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche at the Samye Dzong Buddhist Centre in London run, by Lama Zangmo. It took me some months to make sure that I was happy with my choice and things happened that made it obvious that this was where I needed to start my journey. One of the reasons was that both Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche and Lama Zangmo my teachers, have very amazing qualities and if I could be just 10% like them in this lifetime, I would die a very happy man. 

Right; Chorje Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche Left; Lama Zangmo

Having taken refuge and become a Buddhist, my training began and the second of the Four Thoughts (foundation texts in our lineage) was Death & Impermanence (the first being Precious Human Life) the texts state that all composite things are impermanent and subject to change including death. But what was interesting was, that the texts say, what causes our suffering is our clinging to the idea that things do not change. This took me back to the moment on the couch with my Dad. What crumbled before him was his fixed view that things do not change and that, as I feel we all do, he though that he would live forever deep down, even though he knew intellectually that he wouldn't. It's a strange thing, I mean, when was the last time you though, wow this is an amazing moment and I love it because It won't last forever? Probably never or very rarely. We live our lives in a bubble of immortality thinking that tomorrow will come and that death will somehow not come knocking on our door! Life soon teaches us, that this is not the case. Like me, you may have lost someone close to you and had this feeling of wow, I could die, that leads to you appreciating everything and finding value in the small things. The thing is, we don't necessarily need a person to die, to have a good grasp of death. By reflecting on death regularly (once a day) we can bring focus to the parts of our lives that really matter and we can use this to become more happy, more forgiving and live a full life. We put off so much in our lives thinking we will do this later, well what if there wasn't a later?, what if, you put it off till you're laying there on your death bed, filled with regret. 
Thinking about death is the key to a fuller brighter life and that's why I love it so much. People think its drab and morbid, but it really offers up so much more! 
As the months and years went on studying the other texts, which I enjoy a lot, I kept coming back to death and impermanence with an almost childlike fascination that remains to this day.

The Samye Dzong Buddhist Centre has a core group of people called the Bardo group. In this group they help Buddhists who are very ill, or dying or have died. They do home visits and help out where possible and if and when the person dies they attend the funeral to do prayers for them. They are a wonderful group of people.
This group host an Embrace Death & Dying day every year at the centre and it has become the highlight of my year. They have wonderful speakers, looking at Wills and Probate, the physical things that happen when you die, Buddhist approach to death and dying, hospice care giving, lucid living and lucid dying, ethical funeral services and many other great subjects and speakers.
Later on, I would ask to join the Bardo group thinking I wouldn't be accepted, but I was accepted and pleasantly shocked. I have attended one funeral and done some prayers for a friend of mine, that was a great privilege along side helping out in a small way with the annual Embracing Death & Dying Day event. 
As my journey moves forward, learning the teachings and doing my best to integrate them into my life, I know that death and dying still plays a very big role in my life, but in what capacity I am yet to find out.

I am so keen to ensure that when I die, that all is in hand, that I have a death pack with all the information that my loved ones would need in it, to help reduce decision making and other stressful things. 
I'm looking to add to my pack, a section that looks at the hard questions, that don't get discussed, as we are so afraid of the D word. These questions relate to what happens if i'm in a coma, such as, do you turn off the life support machines and other difficult questions. 
I am seeking help from professionals regarding these questions, as they know best. 
I think given the current world lockdown that these questions need discussing and for me personally, it's best if I just have an envelope that has these questions and answers ready with my trusted loved ones incase this happens to me. The pack I have gets reviewed and re-issued annually.

My most recent step, has been to book onto the foundation course to become a Death Doula with Living Well, Dying Well. A Death Doula, is someone who helps you make the transition through the great unknown of dying. In the same way that a Birth Doula helps new and expectant Mothers deliver their child into the world. It's a relatively new thing and i'm not sure if I will become a Death Doula, but i'm keen to develop my understanding of death on my way through this life. Who knows where this may lead me!
       
This blog post is dedicated to my dear Father, who gave me the greatest gift, the gift of showing me my mortality! Thanks Dad.

Are we busy for a reason?

I was cleaning the house the other week, and I had heaps of other things to do. While doing these tasks, It dawned on me, we keep ourselves busy, not because we like it, but because silence and stillness feel odd to us, and this can also feel like we are wasting our time.
I find that on my free evenings, when I am alone, I constantly cling to the idea of having a structure or list of things to do. I chase and chase, one thing after another. I rarely take a moment to just stop and enjoy the present moment. Maybe this is how we have evolved to be productive in society, but this could be the reason why we are all so burnt out. I mean, have you ever felt, that you just seem to fill your time, all the time. I have a shared diary with my partner, and it's great, as we don't double book as much, as we use to, as its all on an app. But this leads both of us to fill our days, pretty fast.
Even when I just want to mediate, I seem to find things to do, that take me away from it. Even though I hold down a regular morning practice, this also can lead to feeling you have done enough for the day. When actually the more you do, the better you feel, or not, as we will explore a little more later on.

Have you ever just sat down, after a long day, or paused in the middle of a busy day, and found yourself gazing out the window, transfixed by the leaves of a tree blowing in the wind, and the sounds of the birds chirping away. Yeah, those moments are pretty great right. if like me, you are just fixed in a gaze of silence. Not thinking of what to do next, or dwelling on the past, you are just in the present moment appreciating the current tranquility, between getting caught up in the next task, that will move like a freight train.
Sometimes I feel that we desperately need this moment of silence, but instead of going out of our way to do it, it finds it's way into our lives, as if by chance. I had lot's of moments like this when I was in my late teens, and felt nothing of it. Then I stumbled upon meditation, and dabbled with it a bit, then after a few classes, I started to really throw myself at it. The stillness in the meditations was very similar, to what I found, when gazing out the window in my teens.
After a while, I found myself feeling confident enough, after having teachings and speaking with my Lama, to do a solo retreat. I would structure my day and spend lot's of time doing calm abiding meditation. What I found on these retreats was mostly pleasant and at times unpleasant.

Having started doing my first solo retreat, I came out feeling refreshed, and found my mind much, much calmer than before I went in. At this point, all that I was dealing with, was a sore bum, as I was sitting for longer duration's.
Then, after a while (say a few years of pleasant retreats), I started to get distractions, (small ones at first, then it would grow), that were not like my normal thoughts. These thoughts, I felt, were deep neuroses, that I had kept covered up for a long time, and had failed to deal with. But as unpleasant as they are, they are signs of things that I need to work on. At a point like this, its extremely important to consult your meditation teacher or Lama in my case. The reason for this, is they will have dealt with things like this, and will know, the correct way to handle it, and will be able to give good advice in how to handle such things. Don't try to tackle such things alone, as it could make the problem worse. Once you have the advice, then continue on as normal, following the advice given, but, this work is not a set back, far from it, the work you are embarking on is the deepest healing you could do. So don't get upset with yourself. You are weeding out all the bad things, that have hindered you, so really this is the most rewarding work.

So while retreats are about calming the mind, it's also a great platform for finding the deepest thorns stuck in our sides (mental thorns that is). And if we then see these thorns, it makes no sense to just ignore them, when we can remove them, and enjoy a much more full life.

Having looked at this topic, we see that we spend lots of time chasing things to do, to prevent boredom, or to seem like we are not wasting our limited time, doing nothing.

However, for me, I find it interesting, as we seem to chase after these tasks, to prevent us from being present, and why don't we want to be present? 

Well for me being present means, that my neurosis rise to the top, and I may well have to look at and dealt with them. This then begs the question, are we in fear of being present, because we don't like our neuroses therefore finding a way to cover it, by being busy, or has this busy lifestyle, over time, just crept in a distracted us from our neuroses, in a unintentional way. It's hard to really know the answer, but whats important is that we know, that this door can be opened, when we stop and calm the mind a bit.

My lucid dream teacher Charlie Morley, says "Where there is fear, there is wisdom to be found" and this fear we experience about our deepest neuroses, has the potential to unlock some deep inner healing..

Maybe the greatest gift we can give ourselves, is time to be still and quiet, offering us a gateway to inner healing, through dealing with whatever arises, and just bearing witness to it.
Maybe this is what they mean when they saying "know thyself", who knows!

Holding down a steady practice

The benefits of holding down a steady meditation practice.

Some of the benefits of meditation, are feeling relaxed and recharged, but I feel the most beneficial and powerful benefits come after prolonged regular or daily meditation practice. These benefits are not always evident, or visible straight away. From my own experience, over time, you will look back and see that you really have changed for the better. The changes are very subtle, and therefore are hard to see straight away.You may see, that you have become calmer, although you still get angry from time to time. You may also see your anger get less and less over the months and years.
You could find that you dwell on things a lot less, choosing instead to let things go more.
I found that my angry has reduced incrementally, but when I do get angry, i'm not a complete mess inside. Where before I use to feel like I was boiling up inside. Also I am better able to deal with stressful situations, by choosing not, to get caught up in negative thoughts or comments.
While I am listing these things, its good to point out, that we are all very different, and therefore meditation will effect us all differently. So why not keep a diary of how it goes, and how you feel you have changed?

So how do you hold down a steady meditation practice?

Find the right time. Find some time when you can be alone, and have as little disturbance as possible. For me, I like to wake up before my partner, in the morning, this way, i'm free to give her my undivided attention when she is up, and I will feel recharged without it disturbing our day together. Other people may find, doing meditation in the evening, before bed, very helpful in aiding sleep. It really is a very personal thing to you. But finding a time, you can stick to is very important.

Meditation spot. Meditation can be done almost anywhere, and at any time, once you have an understanding of it. But to start with, doing a seated meditation is best (a meditation with crossed legs on a cushion or seated in a chair is fine, if you have knee problems). The good thing about having a meditation spot, is that you can make it feel just right. Try to make it a calm environment by having it as clutter free as possible (clutter can subconsciously make the mind feel busier and very closed), and have things or smells that you associate with calmness. For me, I have a shrine with a statue of Lord Buddha, and other items, as it brings me a feeling of calmness just sitting in front of them.
The main point of this meditation spot, is to help you focus on the task at hand, and to make it as positive as possible. After a while you will look forward to your sessions, as I have come to.

How regularly will you meditate.
This one is a difficult one, as I stated before, we are all very different, so we will have different answers. I feel that a daily meditation practice, is really important, its great to start your day with a moment of calmness, leaving you relaxed and ready to tackle the days tasks. At the weekends I don't wake up till later on in the morning, as I know my lady likes to have a sleep in. So I get the best of both worlds.
Another reason for doing my practice daily, is that it's habit forming, and I know from experience doing it everyday helps keep the flow. I wont lie, I have had times, where I have slept in, but I have almost always found a way to do the my practice, later in the day, that's another reason why I like doing my practice in the morning. But by all means play around with this, till you find the prefect fit for you.

Set your meditation time. This can be as little or as long as you like, but try to start small and work your way up, as you may find you get agitated if you do too much to soon. 10 to 15 minutes to start with is the normal duration I have heard taught. Then when you feel you are ready, slowly increase your time.
You are aiming to develop a focus, and doing too much, can leave you exhausted, instead of refreshed. If you are unsure about this, it would be advisable to talk to an experienced meditation master or teacher. If there isn't one in your area, email a reputable meditation organisation for guidance. If required, I would be happy to point you in the right direction.

Stick at it, and don't give up. It's like the gym, you miss a day and you then decide to miss another, and before you know it, you don't do meditation anymore. I suffered with this on many occasions, but would jump back on the horse, after a few weeks or months. Now instead of doing that, I think of how blessed I am to have had teachings, from my Lama's and teachers, and try my hardest to make them proud, after all, they took the time to teach me, it seems only right I do them the honorable thing of practicing what they taught.
I understand that some of you may not have a teacher and are using an app, so find your motivation to practice, and write up a motivational paragraph, that you will read to stop you from avoiding your practice. Then make sure you keep it to hand, and read it when required.
My honest opinion is to stay the course, some days you may find you are all over the place, this is normal, all mediators go through rough patches, but overall the good outweighs the bad. We are habitual creatures, once we get into the groove of doing our practice, it gets easier, so be patient and be kind to yourself.

If you stick to these points, as I have, over time, i'm sure you will find that you make steady progress.
I was taught these points by my teachers over the last few years, and they have helped me immensely, so I am passing this on as a way to honer the preciousness of what they taught me.
I hope this helps you find a steady, stable and regular meditation practice.

Wish Fulfilling Jewel Teaches in London

It's the week before H.H 17th Karmapa's visit to London, the air was filled with exciting thoughts about the following weeks precious teachings and blessings.

Heavy clouds and rain decided to plague my week in Basingstoke. Nevertheless, it would take more than bad weather to shake me, and my excitement, regarding the chance to greet H.H 17th Karmapa, in his first, yes first, visit to London, England. 

His Holiness is the 17th in a long line, of Lineage holders of the Karma Kagyu Lineage of Tibetan Buddhism, and at the age of 14 he escaped Tibet, leaving his beloved Tsurphu Monastery, in the hope that he would be able to travel, and spread the Buddha's teachings around the world, something he wasn't able to do in China. So at 14 years old, the Karmapa made the treacherous journey, and arrived in India to find that his expectation to be able to travel were not what he had imagined, he would have to wait a long time before he could travel.

Now, fast forward 17 years, and finally he has the opportunity to set foot in the United Kingdom, a place he has wanted to travel to, for all those years, due to his predecessor, the 16th Gyalwang Karmapa's connection with Akong Rinpoche, Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche and Chime Rinpoche to mention but a few, who had settled in the UK to spread the Dharma to the west, and what a great job they have done. 

It's now 4 days before the teachings, and everything we had hoped for was confirmed, his holiness was granted all the permits to come to the UK. The visit was ON!!!!!! I think I speak for all us Dharma practitioners who attended here, when I say, we all jumped for joy at this point.

Soon enough, there were videos of H.H 17th Karmapa doing some fun stuff, like eating diner with all the different Sangha's and riding a boat up the Thames, seeing the sights of Parliament and Big Ben and the London Eye. Then in another video, we see His Holiness, driving the boat down the Thames. Yes that's Captain Karmapa to you now lol.

So it's 20th May 2017, and the big day as arrived, I'm up crazy early to ensure I get to London in time. I arrive at the venue to find huge queue's, but everyone is understanding and still super happy. People are talking to each other in the queue, doing what practitioners do best, networking and making new friends. 

Soon enough, I get through security and find my seat. I then go for a walk around the venue, to see whats things the shop has to offer. Before I get to the shop, I bump into friend, after friend, after friend. It was like walking into a family gathering, filled with precious friends and teachers. I saw so many Lama's and Rinpoche's, I couldn't possibly list them all. The venue had this great feeling about it, with stars on the ceiling and so many smiles, it was a truly warming and wonderful feeling.

After all the talking and catching up, everyone settled into their seats, waiting for that magical moment, where we would all see our precious teacher, Buddha in the flesh, in front of us, radiating loving kindness and compassion. All of a sudden, like a Mexican wave, the seats are empty with everyone standing, hands clasped together in a show of complete obedience. Then people's heads start to bow, and you could hear the gasps as people saw His Holiness walk past, on his way to the stage. 

His Holiness is introduced by Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, after His Holiness is seated, on what can only be expressed, as the most amazing thrown seat I've ever seen. The stage looks incredible with a shrine and amazing super large thangkas of Lord Buddha.

Lama Yeshe gives his lovely speech and the teaching begins.

I have attached the links below of the teachings, as my notes are not great at the best of times, plus why read my write up, when you can watch the whole thing on video.

Day 1 - AM Session      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOWGFmt3DLc 

Day 1 - PM Session       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQno84k08lA

   

Day 2 - AM Session       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI8KIrZSI8g

Day 2 - PM Session       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zn0TMVaTHM

At the very end of the teachings, His Holiness gave all who attended the Chenrezig Empowerment, and who better to give this than His Holiness. What an incredible way to end the weekend.

The teachings for me, were incredibly clear and concise, and that's hard to do in very few words, but His Holiness made it look effortless.

His holiness's gaze, was at times piercing, and you felt that those eyes could look through you and see the real Buddha within you. My dear friend Anton Smuts said it perfectly, in a short message to me, saying, "He's the Lion Buddha". Couldn't have worded it better myself. 

In the final speech from the organiser, she asked us all to give His Holiness a gift of 30 seconds of silence, offering our heart felt love for this visit. This for me was incredibly moving, and it felt like my heart melted in those short 30 seconds. It really was unshakeably silent, during this moment, making it even more moving.

It was all over, and now we had to packed our things and leave. It was sad saying goodbye to our friends and Sangha, some who had traveled great distance to be here for this ground breaking event.
Leaving the venue, I was alone and a real stillness fell over me, as I embarked on my journey home. 

While walking back to my house, I was struck by the magnitude of what had just happened, only a few hours ago. I had been in the presence of one of greatest Buddhist teachers there is, a living Buddha, and not only this, but I didn't have to travel in an airplane to see him, he came to us!.

We are all so incredibly fortunate to have this precious visit, from his holiness. There are many thousands of Tibetans still trapped in Tibet, who would give everything they own, to have an audience in the same room as this precious Buddha. Yet in some way, I along with many others, have the good fortune and the right karma required to have this blessing. I have never felt more thankful in my life. 

So i'm sat in my living room writing this, still feeling blessed by this dreamlike weekend, someone pinch me, did I really just sit in a room, with a wish fulfilling jewel?

I don't have time to meditate!

I hear the phrase "I don't have time to meditate!" an awful lot, when people talk to me about meditation.

Meditation for some people just isn't a priority. I mean we have a thousand different things going on in our life's, at any given moment, so its easy to see why we don't have time for meditation.
But maybe the problem isn't that we don't have time, maybe it's that we are too busy, and rarely take time out, to recover from this stressful life we lead.
We see that stress and anxiety, along with other states of mental health, are on the rise, due, I feel to the crazy life we lead, trying to see all our friends, spend time with our partner and the kids, while juggling a job at the same time. But something that we rarely do, is stop and make time for ourselves, not in a selfish way, but more in a way to help you, be a better you at all the other tasks you do.

Meditation helps you to relax at times of stress, letting go of the constant feeling of worry, but this isn't evident after doing a little meditation one or twice a week.
The thing with meditation is, that it's like taking your mind to the gym, the more you do, the better your mind will function. If you do the least you can, you will probably just maintain instead of making any noticeable improvements. That being said, a sitting of meditation, may make you feel relaxed at that time, but you might not see the full benefit till you do a regular meditation practice.
It's like learning anything new, the more you do, the more instinctual you become at it.
So for someone who is an experienced meditator, they may well be able to remain calm at extremely stressful times, enabling them to do things, not clouded by the stress that is surrounding them.

I think that with all the problems we experience, taking five to thirty minutes a day, maybe more if you decide, later down the line, will help you to better cope with the stresses of life.

For me, I started doing meditation when I suffered with a server bout of anxiety, it was crippling at the time, but my recovery was sped along by the meditation I learnt at a class in my local area.
My recovery from anxiety was swift, and through regular mediation, I've managed to kept it under control.

I do my meditation every morning, and it's become the most important thing I do, as soon as I rise.
The reason why it's great to do in the morning, is that you set yourself up for your day, relaxed and ready to take on anything, but also, it means that if I don't do it for any reason, I will have the opportunity to make time later in the day, if I can fit it in. But doing your meditation at a time to suit you is key, I just find the morning works well for me, as my partner is still asleep and once its done, its done, leaving me free for the rest of the day, to do whatever I have planned.

Like most things in life, we make things a priority, some more than others. Meditation for me is my top priority, as it helps me cope with all my other priories in a much more stress free and relaxed way. Now isn't that what we are all looking for?

If your reading this, and you are someone who has told yourself and others, you don't have time for meditation, but really want to give it a go, there are some great app's out there, lots of them are free to get you started. There will no doubt be meditation classes in your local area, that will get you started also and will be able to guide you, if you should have any questions or any problems.

Learning to meditate is one of the most effective tools to deal with stress and bring a state of calmness to a hectic and stressful world, so why not give it a go and find a calmer and more relaxed you!

    

Sexual Desire, Friend or Foe?

There are some subjects in the Buddhist environment that I feel rarely get looked at from a lay (non-monastic) prospective. The subjects that I have found difficult to understand, is how to deal with sexual desire. 

Buddhism has always been a great platform for asking questions and getting answers, as at almost every teaching I've ever been to, time is left at the end for questions and answers. But how many people have the courage to stand up and ask the question that really perplexes them, when it has the potential to be the most embarrassing question you could ask, especially to a Nun or a Monk. 

In my few years on the path, I have heard lots of questions and answers, but have never heard anyone ask this question. 

For me, most of the people who have taught me are monastics, meaning they have taken vows of celibacy, making it seem (at least to me) more difficult for them to understand the situation, when this may be far from the truth. 
For those of us who are trying to overcome sexual desire whilst being in a relationship, it can feel like opposing ideas and can cause a great deal of confusion.

I have always read, and heard that abstaining from sex would allow you to overcome the urges of the body and mind, speeding you along on the the Dharma path. But how do you cope with these desires and can they be overcome?

Here are a few different approaches to dealing with sexual desire;

In this approach you abstain from any kind of sexual action, for a set period of time (excluding sex with your partner, but only when they initiate it). This forces you to be strict with yourself and you soon notice desire creeping up on you, and it can be difficult, as it takes time to heighten your awareness to these desire. You treat these desires like you would a negative thought, by just letting them go when they arise in the mind. After a while this becomes easier as you start to see how the mind latches to sexual desire over the simplest things, often an image or small thought that we habitually feed. 
The pros for this method are a heightened awareness of desire, that allows you to (over time) control whether or not you wish to feed this desire, where as before you would feed it habitually and instinctively.
The cons are that this can possibly lead to you developing an aversion to sexual desire, and as you are in a relationship it will have a negative effect on your intimacy, if done for prolonged periods of time.    

Another approach would be, that sexual desire is natural and therefore we should just continue as we are, as we are not monastics. This approach is interesting as we go back to having no awareness of our desires and to a large extent allowing them to control us. This is how almost all the population deals with sexual desire, as It requires no focus or effort, and looks appealing as we get what we want, but it can have some dangerous effects. 
The pros for this are that you will have more desire and the opportunity to fulfill this, with or without your partner and feel enjoyment, for a limited time. 
The cons are that you could over time notice how much more you wish to engage with the desire on a physical level and this can become an unquenchable thirst, that can, if unchecked, lead to addictions to a number of things, not to mention putting a huge strain on your partner. Your partner may struggles to cope with this growing thirst, that at times seems to lack any kind of inclusion of his/her own wants and needs, as you go "deeper into this hole" of wanting to satisfy your own sexual desires at any cost. 

This last approach falls somewhere in the middle, and looks at the situation more evenly. You understand that sexual desire is natural and not a negative thing, but are aware that it needs to be kept in check. So you use your awareness of the desire to keep tabs on it.
Using this technique, you can choose when the time is right to feed the desire.
Often when you lose yourself in the act of union, it is due to the enjoyment you feel in seeing the other person enjoying themselves, and vis versa. It's rather strange as the desire you have seems to transform into a desire to satisfy the other person. This is then mirrored and you are both working to make each other happy, and I feel this where you get lost, you both feel like one as you are abandoning your own desires in place of the others, and there is a real power in that.

Seeing and hearing about nuns and monks abstaining, lead me to feel that I had to do the same in my own life, in order to follow the Buddhist path. But it really it made me think, and explore sexual desire to the extent that I landed at a middle way approach, that foster a sense of control and awareness, that doesn't blind me to everything else that's going on. 

While writing this post, I felt the need to ask someone who I respected as a long term lay practitioner, to comment on the questions I had been thinking about for a while, so I sent a question to Ken Holmes Author/Translator of the newly released; Ornament of Precious Liberation (Tibetan Classics) originally written in Tibetan by Gampopa. 

Question; 
In the monastic environment, sexual desire is tamed and seen as a way to develop as a practitioner. But as a lay person overcoming or dealing with sexual desire can be difficult, as to have a functioning relationship with a partner one needs this to connect on a physical level. How do or would you approach dealing with this?

Answer;
I think the answers to this are both complicated and simple. Sorry!

The simple answer is that a lay person is not required to do without sex but to live a sexual life that is moral and causes no harm to others. The moral guidelines are outlined in the well-known teachings on the 10 non-virtues and 10 virtues. There are two main points: first is not to cause suffering to another person. The second is to respect natural energies and live in harmony with them. There is nothing "wrong" with sex for lay people, if handled according to those guidelines.

The complex part is in the very nature of sex itself. To understand it, we need to have a LOT more real awareness of being embodied: we are a timeless mind "squatting" in this particular flesh and blood carcass, with all its hormones and chemistry. The choice is whether you want the chemistry to dominate you or you to dominate the chemistry. It is also interesting to become more mindful of what happens when making love / having sex. There is the need for affection and also the urge towards that letting-go of control and lucidity for the moment of "swoon" of orgasm. One learns a lot from observing the mind and feelings on the way towards getting frisky, foreplay etc. and after it is all over.

The monastic choice is to live without all the angst of sex and the yogi's journey (not for everyone, by far) is to sublime the sexual chemistry and biology into meditation knowledge.



Conclusion:
Sexual desire for lay practitioners isn't something we need to abandon, as I had initially felt. But this being said, we shouldn't allow it to go unchecked as there is a chance it may get the better of us. In today's society with the technology we have, getting access to sexual content has never been easier. This has lead to a rise in desire based addiction in our communities, as sexual content is now so readily available on laptops, tables and mobile phones. Also advertisement for men and women always appear to use sexual desire as a way to sell things, so we start to see a rise in desire from this too. So learning how, and when to feed your sexual desire has never been more important.

The process required to control, or understand the desire is, an awareness of our mind and body. As Ken states "We need awareness of being embodied".
By simply being conscious of our sexual desires, we will naturally be able to notice, and decide if it is appropriate to allow it to escalate. 
As time goes on, your awareness of the desire will become more acute, and you will find it easier and easier to handle. On the odd occasion you may find a surge in desire for some reason, this could be due to a chemical imbalance from food or something else, but do not let this take you off your stride, keep going and it will become more and more manageable as you start to make friends with your sexual desire.

I don't feel I have covered all aspects of this subject in this post, but I hope that by sharing my though's and feelings on this will help in some small way. This has been a subject of interest for me, and by writing this blog post has allowed me to contemplate it more. 

If you have any questions or thoughts you would like to share please contact me, my email is in the blog description.     

Why So Selfless?

Its easy to see that with all the problems going on in the world, that we should ensure that we look after number one and not give, give, give and end up being taken for a mug. I mean you hear these stories all the time about people being treated like doormats. So why would the Dharma path want us to look into and analyse selflessness?

I am not sitting here writing this claiming to be someone who has realised, let alone experienced emptiness (where you are able to see the true nature of reality and its interconnectedness). But i'm writing this from a point of view where, I feel it might not be a bad concept to consider after investigation. I'm also not a scholar, so if there are any flaws to what I have written, please let me know.
This I hope will allow you to explore the subject yourself. 
I would never expect someone to read my blog and think "yeah that sounds right", I would implore you to investigate if, what I have said is correct on a more deeper level. 
The Buddha never told people to believe what he said blindly, he always told them to investigate and check what he taught, like you would check gold to see if it was fake, before buying it.

So why be selfless? Well that's a good question, but lets start with, why is thinking about ourselves all the time such a bad thing?
Well upon analysis, when we think about ourselves only or mainly, we start to find more things wrong with what we want, I mean where else are you going to find problems when you only think of me, me, me. So when we want something and we don't get it, it makes us unhappy. This can be seen in almost anything, from not getting the food we want, down to people not doing what we want them to do. Its like playing a game and only you matter, when clearly this is not the case as there are other people playing the game too.

So the question is, do the others count? Well this then becomes a bit of a grey area for most people, as often we care more about people we are connected to in some way. So we could get a response of yes, BUT, only if I know them or they are friends or family. I understand this view, as its the way many of us have been brought up and why not. But the question then becomes, why are we thinking about these people and caring about them more?
Nine times out of ten its because these people add value to our life or we feel obliged in some way to care about them. So we have this clear structure in place and some of us may not have a big structure, others may have a very big structure and care for and know a lot of people.
So we are left with the remainder of society as people we do not know, don't care about or we have a neutral feeling about them.

When looking into this sense of self on one of my retreats, it dawned on me that this sense of self was like a big fence put up to protect me and the ones I love, but actually the feeling I had was that this fence was holding me captive and out there was the freedom I needed and I really didn't need to be protected. I just felt I needed to protect this sense of self and really what mattered was everyone equally (me included). 
There are some things I feel jump over the self fence from time to time, to make you realise that this cage of self that we live in isn't right.
For me it happens when I watch a great movie, as while I know what I am watching is fiction, I start to feel upset and want to help with all of my heart if the characters is suffering. I mean these characters are not my friends and I have no reason to care for them, but you really care instinctively. It's this kind of experience that I feel shows that our true nature is that of selflessness and compassion. There is no reason to feel this way about a fictional character, but it bursts through us, as you are absorbed by the experience. So maybe its not such a bad thing to be more selfless, maybe its a natural thing we are working against, and wow is it tiring.

What about giving to much and neglecting yourself? 
Well for me I feel that we take selflessness to literally. Not many people have realised or understood emptiness completely, so we are left with what we have. If we are all interconnected then we must look after everyone, and here is the kicker, this includes ourselves. I feel a large amount of problems arise from people giving to much to others while neglecting themselves. Therefore we should look to take care of others and ourselves to the best of our ability. This can often mean using skillful methods. For example; If someone you know keeps taking advantage of you, confront them and explain to them calmly and kindly that it feels that they are taking advantage of you. Express that you wouldn't do this to them and that they shouldn't do this to you. This will make the person think about what they are doing. This may be a habituated pattern that no one has ever told them about and they may welcome this as an opportunity to change. It may just upset them, but you have tried to help them while preventing yourself from being a victim. 
Being selfless doesn't mean helping people feel happy while re enforcing negative patterns in others and in turn being a doormat. 
I feel it's about making people happy, if you can help them, if you cannot help them, as it makes more people unhappy or another unhappy, then you cannot help them. You would in effect just be making a mess, helping them to make others miserable.
In Buddhism they say a bird needs two wings to fly, compassion and wisdom. Compassion alone can cause lots of problems. But when you use wisdom and compassion you are really looking at the whole picture and acting in a more well thought out and wise way. 

In the natural environment we see how clearly everything is in harmony with everything else most of the time and a certain amount of respect of this is evident. When some natural disaster happens to the environment, it does everything it can to bring everything back into equilibrium with everything else. It functions as a living breathing thing in many ways. Now the same can be said, I feel of us, when we spend our lives trying to solidify this sense of self or us and them, we are in fact driving a wedge between us and everyone else, that is bringing us out of harmony with everything. When what we all need to do is live in a more harmonious way with everyone to allow our natural flow to develop. This way if someone needs help, everyone helps the same way nature does to it's environment. Imagine that if everyone helped each other regardless of all the reasons not to, how life would change. As everyone would pitch in, the load would be much less to deal with and the love that people would do it with would make it even easier. No more helping people because it made us feel good, but instead because you know if you were in their shoes you would want someone to help you too. Seeing everyone and everything as part of a bigger picture, we would naturally want to help as everyone is in essence a part of us. There would be no reason not to, as we are all connected.

It would seem we overlook how much we are connected to everything and everyone around us, a lot, as we get caught up in our daily lives. People we do not know, harvest crops and food so we can eat. The environment provides us with oxygen, the trees and plants are connected to the earth, sun and air so without them they could not function, and as a result we could not exist. But also without us and all the other creatures, animals and mammals creating CO2 the plants and trees would not be able to live long ether. I know that we all know this information, but how often do we reflect on this woven tapestry of life?

When everything from the human cells, to this incredible universe seem able to live in harmony with its surroundings to a large degree, why can't we see that wanting to look after number one isn't going to and hasn't worked for a very long time. 
When we look after number one, we neglect everything else around us, from the environment to the people we live around, and with that we actually make ourselves more lonely, isolated and afraid by thinking of just ourselves. Why can't we flow with harmony and realise we are all connected. We need to love and nurture each other as a collective regardless of all the decisive reasons we create. 
Selflessness and compassion are at the heart of all major religions and maybe there is a very good reason for that, maybe, just maybe its the way for us to end all mental suffering forever. If that is true, maybe it is worth thinking about at least once in our lifetime.