I will use a few examples to explain how we get angry and how pointless they are upon reflection.
Example one; You are in the car and a driver cuts you up or drives in a way that is not safe.
Your first reaction is one of fear, as you feel that this person could have caused your passengers and you to be harmed in some way. This fear quickly turns to anger in what feels like a millisecond.
So far all seems normal to us, however I will explain an alternative way of looking at this situation.
First of all by getting angry you will not change what has happened as it has already come to pass. Secondly you will lose all sense of control while in the tense state of anger and this may lead to excessive driving or even to an accident. Thirdly the driver may have made a mistake or even been trying to avoid another possible accident, however, we instantly assume they did this act deliberately towards us and this may not be the case at all.
When this example has happens to me, I have trained my mind to remain more in control and to ignore or let go of my anger regarding what has happened for the three main reasons above. To get angry is equally as destructive as the thing that has happened to cause the anger in the first place.
Example two; You are going to a job interview and your train has been delayed, meaning you will be late to your interview.
Your reaction is instant annoyance as we are not getting what we want, this can get you very angry and cause you to shout at staff about the problem and how it will affect you.
This seems to be a normal thing, however, before you feel angry your main feeling is that you will look bad and possibly wont get the job as a result of this one problem.
While this may be true, there is nothing you can do about the problem and it doesn't make any sence to upset others by shouting at them about the problem. What you should do is channel that energy to something positive like trying to stay anger free.
On analysis you will note that there is nothing you can do about the train being late, and no matter how annoying this may be, you must let go of the annoyance this causes as you cannot control everything around you. Understand that you intended to arrive on time and there is a problem, that could happen to anyone. There may even be people in the same boat as you, regarding the delayed train you are waiting for.
Simply call up and explain to the company interviewing you, that you will be late and that it was due to the delayed train. Let the people at the company decide whether they believe you or not, as this is out of your parameters of control. The main thing is that you intended to arrive on time, but were met by an obstacle that were out of your control. When these things happen, you can stay calm and do the best you can at the interview, even if you arrive late.
It sounds very easy to stay calm when you hear others talk about these things, and I was one of the those people who would always say "its easier said than done" and wouldn't even try to tackle the problem. However when you practise meditation and you are more aware of your thoughts, you see your thoughts and are able to channel how that thought controls you. After a while these anger patterns turn to calm patterns as if you have re programmed yourself.
For example: Over a week ago a guy cut me up and nearly took off my bumper and it didn't affect me at all, it was as if nothing had happened. It was so surreal, as upon analysing it I noticed that nothing had happened and both me and the other driver were safe. So really as nothing had happened, why would I make myself feel ill by getting angry and shouting at a car that cannot hear me. It seemed so senseless to me to get angry about something that didn't even happen.
I hope that this post has some positive affect on you, and if you have any questions or comments I'm happy to answer them to the best of my limited knowledge.
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